The dad-gap in a girl’s life…

So when she came for me on my birthday to take me “out”, I did not let anyone know that the “outing” was to go visit my dying dad in hospital. I share the details of this in my book, Becoming an Amazing Girl. It was a horrible day, a hard time. I went back to school and had to keep up the good, strong front. Told no one. Kept quiet. I didn’t want to be seen as less than anyone else. Incomplete or out of place or just odd. Off. I wanted to (still) fit in, be “normal” be okay. And so I swallowed all those hard (potatoes) feelings that would come.

I’d cry in bed alone, or in the shower – and blame the red eyes on soap or something. Or just being itchy. I was sad, alone, disappointed. And this was just the beginning. I couldn’t help the images that kept flashing in my mind as I was in class. Teachers would be teaching and I’d be lost in thought. I lost my concentration, I lost my interest. Something more important was bugging my mind, tugging at my heart. What would happen? Would he be okay? Would he get well? What if…. No... That’s not an option to think about. Ouch! End of day, class is over, back to bed…cry, and blame the red eyes on a headache or something.

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Pages from my journal – Raw and real(Dads&Girls)

GETTING REAL

It’s time I got real….or more real than I have been here. I’ll be taking a risk to do so, but this is my void to fill, my part to play. I have been writing on this website for a while now, writing about different things. Parties, insights from everyday life. Quotes. Devotions. Book responses. But perhaps I have not touched the core of my message yet. Or at least not on the website. Elsewhere yes, eg in the book, but not on the website. So now I want to go back to the beginning, retrace my steps to the first love, the genesis of this website. Becoming an Amazing Girl book – The inside revealed

The Amazing Girl website began as a result of my book, Becoming an Amazing Girl. Originally, the website was becominganamazinggirl.org, but it later changed to amazing-girl.org. I thought the other name was a bit too long. And I was planning to write more books, so I shouldn’t limit the title of my website to just one book. So in the book I talk about my life, my personal life and share details about some of the tough experiences I have gone through. And how I tried to get out of them.

In a very candid manner I talk about my emotions and what happened when I followed them. The good, and the bad. I skip a bit of the ugly….but that could come later. Here. In the next edition of the book, due to some requests. A girl’s search for a father

So what am I talking about? I’m talking about a girl’s search for a father. A father figure. A dad. Someone to be there. The journey of looking for one, the hopes, the disappointments, the challenges….and the final resolution. Or is it final?

I began my search for a dad when I was a teenager. That’s after my dad passed on. That’s a story for another day. I figured that if I did share this in my book, I might as well share it here. And talk with you. And perhaps it will lead to helping another girl find her place, her assurance, her confidence, her worth, her esteem. No editing – I’m telling it like it is

Raw and real as it comes, I just write away, with only typo-edits. I’m letting it flow. I’m not going to “arrange” it in a perfect manner. Because it’s not perfect. And because it’s still growing. It’s still happening. And these hurts don’t come in cute little boxes like the TV programs make us think. The hurts are raw, and messy and ugly. I’ll invite you into my life, I’ll share with you what I feel, what I felt, what’s going on. You might be a girl going through the same, you might know of one who needs a girlfriend along this way. I’ll be that girlfriend. I’ll be with you. Let’s talk, let’s share. I will. Tell dads about girls, and tell girls about dads

And why will I? Because I have looked for someone to share this, to tell others about it. To tell dads about girls. To tell girls about dads. And though there are many a good forums, organizations that are doing something close this…I haven’t found one that discusses what I really feel I need to share. What I feel needs to be talked about. How I feel it needs to be talked about. Real and raw and messy. I feel that there are some girls out there like me, who were, or still are in search of a dad. Who don’t know how to express it, or who to express it to. Or fear that if they tell, they’ll be more than grossly disappointed. Connecting dads and daughters?

I wish I could create something that connects dads and daughters. I know there are some good dads out there who’d like to adopt some daughters. And I know that there are some girls out there, who’d like to “adopt” a dad…or be “adopted” by one. Perhaps not the usual legal way. But another way. A covering way. I “knowing someone cares” kind of a way. God is good, and He’s a great father. But I’ll tell you what, a physical one is a precious gift. Any day.

So I don’t know what this will breed. A dad-daughter connection site? A place for girls to vent? To let out their hurts, to share their hearts? I don’t know. But I know what I will do. I will share. For I feel that this is my void to fill. Missing dads being missed

And what kind of a dad search are we talking about here? Some dads are dead. Physically. Some are dead other ways – emotionally distant, spiritually on different lanes, not mentoring their girls, divorced, separated, living abroad or far away from their families, disinterested, alcoholics, authoritarians, career chasers with no time for family, too concerned about their ego and not wanting to be associated with the feminine world…..the list is endless! But these dads are missing, and they are being missed. By their daughters. And sons too, I believe.

So these girls could be in search of a dad ‘cause theirs is totally not there. Or he’s not there in a way that is significant to her. I’ll tell you what I did, how I felt. What I went through. And what’s happening now. ‘Cause like I said, it’s not neatly tied in a cute little bow written “Eternal Solution to the Dad Search.” I still have my joys, and my lows. And I’ll share them with you. And I’ll be willing to listen to yours. It’s time to get raw and real, tell it like it is, and….fill this void that is mine to fill.

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