You know how, when people continuously put you down, you begin to feel small, smaller… Until eventually, you feel virtually insignificant, almost non-existent?
You feel that you can’t speak up because your voice is too soft and won’t anyway be heard, so you don’t even see the use in trying? You feel that you are so small, like you can be easily pushed over?
Yeah, this used to be me. I felt horrible, awful… Until one day I came across a full-length mirror. And I saw me. I saw my self. The self that carried me. The body that housed me.
I knew I wasn’t a tiny person, true, but I had felt so small and significant that in my mind, the breath of a nasty comment could blow me over.
Then I saw my self. Big, strong, dark, beautiful. That startled me and my eyes opened up, wide open. I saw them for what they were. Not red, sad, small, crying eyes, but actually big, bright, white and full of life. I laughed a little, for the first time in a long while. I had life, I could be bubbly. I was actually alive.
I said hi to the person in the mirror. My voice sounded fine, firm, not weak and helpless. I could actually speak, teach, give an address.
And in that speech, I could actually say no. I could actually say what I wanted and what I didn’t want. I could accept things or reject them. I actually had a voice, and a significant back up for it.
I had a strong body to back up my words. I could use my voice and accompany it with ‘the eye’. I could stand my ground and it would be a solid thing. I could use my hands to express myself and my gestures would be big and important.
That sight of my self in the full-length mirror was such an eye-opening experience. I saw that I was important. First of all, I exist. Then, I am important. Then, I have a big body to back me up in what I want to do.
I’d always admired Queen Latifah and Oprah Winfrey, and my hopes went up. They somehow, in many ways, live my dreams. I am encouraged that I can also get there.
So, to any plus size girl who feels like I felt, come, let’s walk together, there is hope, there is life. If nothing else makes you feel significant, be grateful for your big body.