Yes, I got married young. I had my first boyfriend at 21, yes, 21. See, my Bishop’s wife has her first boyfriend as her husband, and that was my desire. So, I kept away from guys for 21 years, until my ‘guy’ came along. I had a list…twasn’t very long, just 3 things. A guy who loves God, loves himself (has a sense of purpose & direction) and loves me. Just that. I’m glad God gave me so much more than that.
Back to dating. So, he asked me out at 21, on 4th August 2006. Then we started going out, cool! Then, he asked me to marry him on 18th January, 2007. I said yes, totally smitten. Then on 4th August, 2007, I said “I do”. Yep, that’s it.
And so the questions usually begin to roll in from there. Why get married so young, were you still a student, what did your family say…..so I’ll try answer those.
Marriage, in our perspective, wasn’t a destination. It was companionship, someone to be with you in the events of your life, someone to witness that in a special way. That way, we’d be there for each other as we went on with our lives. And we also got tired of saying goodbye, and wanted to be together more. We also didn’t want to date for soooo long and have to battle temptation. So, marriage was the winning option for the companionship we desired. That way, he’d be with me through school and everything else.
How young was I? Yes, I was 22. Do I recommend that everyone gets married at that age? Maybe not. It depends. I’d been exposed to quite a lot of responsibility and different things, and in a way, I could handle the responsibility of marriage as it came. I’d been brought up really well and with quite some duties by my mum, and so I knew quite a lot about running a home. I’d also been in various leadership positions in church and school, so that also added to the much needed home making skills. Back in the day, we’d finish high school at age 18, but today at 16 people are done. That’d be rather young, so I’m not sure I’d give this as a rule.
Family…yes of course, we had the discussion with my mum. We were and still are pretty close. I told her that I’d gotten a boyfriend the very next day after it happened. We had a nice, warm conversation about it. My mum wanted (and still wants) the best for me. The day he engaged me, I went home and told her. Awesome. And then we talked about all the scenarios…it was necessary. Then we talked with key relatives, and what they wanted to know was whether marriage would interfere with my studies. So we promised, actually, my hubby-to-be promised that we wouldn’t get any kids before I graduated. Done. Like that.
So, in 2010, on the 15th of July, I graduated with a Bachelor of Education Degree (German & Library Studies), second class upper, yes. And by then I was working. And in the family way. Then our beautiful bundle of joy arrived on the 18th of August 2010. After I’d gotten my degree. AfterJ .
We were happy, happy indeed! By God’s grace, I’d managed being a wife, student, employee and in the family way all at the same time. God had helped me to balance my responsibilities as well as my fun things. Yes, as a student, I’d spend some nights in the hostels – I mean, I was a student after all. We looked at it as though we were still dating and our lives were still going on as they were before. So if I needed to be in school, I’d be in school. And if I needed to be home, I’d be home. We figured that was better than moving in together – this time we had God’s blessings and our parents’ blessings and total freedom and joy to come and go as we pleased. There is freedom in boundaries, there is. No shame, just peace. In my view, it’s so much better to do it that way, instead of burning with passion and sometimes having so much to regret.
That’s about all I’ve got to say on that for now. I’m open to answering questions on the same… I just thought it’d be nice to have this written down, because I get so many questions about it, I figure this might reach more people in a shorter time, and we can begin this discussion at practical levels from the listeners’/readers’ point. Let’s keep talking. Cheers!