It’s now 5 months since we lost our lovely baby boy. A lot has happened, both good and bad, and I have continued to learn to trust in God.
When I was expecting my son, I lived and worked within the same compound. It was walking distance from the house to the office, and back home. I enjoyed my pregnancy, turbulent as it sometimes was. But it was all beautiful, and I remember with great fondness the 9 months during which I carried my son. We bonded, he kicked and I rubbed my tummy; I reached out to him. I loved him then and I still do now.
When he was born, it was such great joy to finally hold him in my arms and see him, hug him, love him. The 3 months of maternity leave flew by so fast, so very fast. And then I went back to work.
I was blessed to be living in the same compound in which I worked, because I was able to go home and nurse my baby during tea and lunch breaks. I was also only a few footsteps away should anything arise and need my attention. I enjoyed the privilege of motherhood, and the extra blessing of motherhood combined with career. I had a great, understanding boss. She cared. She remains a special lady in my life.
Then in January, my dear baby passed away. I was torn, I was heartbroken. I got a month of leave and I mourned and grieved. Then I went back to work.
On the first day, I walked home during tea break, as had been my habit. I didn’t make it past the door. I broke down and wept, for the entire time I was in the house. I didn’t even take tea. I walked back to the office and kept hiding myself in the ladies’ room to cry. Lunch time wasn’t any easier. I went to sleep in the bedroom, I couldn’t handle it. And that went on. I miss him so, my little boy Jason.
I had thought that I wanted to keep the routine so as to enable healing to occur in a stable environment. But my heart craved for change, something to lighten the load. I wished for off-days and special changes.
Little did I know that God was going to bring them in a most unexpected and astonishing way. Some drastic changes took place at my job, and I had to go. Many people worried for me that it shouldn’t have happened that way.
But in less than 2 weeks, I already had another job. A new job, that would give me a totally different routine. A new experience, and special happenings too. So now I’m working at Fellowship of Christian Unions (FOCUS) Kenya, just a short distance away from home. But not near enough to have me home for tea and lunch. Not near enough for me to walk into the house and see my baby’s cot in the middle of the day. Far enough for me to have a different routine with different activities, but yet near enough to rush home should I need to do so.
I have a job that I love, working hours that are wonderful, an off day and colleagues that must have been sent from heaven. I have a new work family and a totally new life.
So what may have seemed like the blow of a life time on April 16th actually turned out to be a great blessing this year, not just for me as an individual, but for my family too. And for that I thank God.
Really, all things do work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. I love God. And I am serving His call. And if He’s been this good to me in this very difficult recent past, I’d like to encourage you too, that He does love you and will do wonderful things for you too. He’ll give you what you truly need, even if He’ll have to go about it in ways that you do not understand – He’s great at working behind the scenes!