Plan B

I was in a certain situation a couple of days ago. We had been planning to get together with a friend for quite a long time. But somehow, each time the meeting day neared, she would call and say something (usually someone) else “came up.” And I would sacrifice each time, or agree to meet for a really brief time (regardless of the fact that my entire journey and fare paid was for that one person and purpose.)
The blower came the other day. I remembered what my mum had taught me. “Don’t be too available\le. Make yourself scarce.” And that way people would value and treat me good, an icing to the cake that I’d feel special about myself as well. So when such a scenario pulled up again, of my own volition I cancelled the appointment and made no further remarks about it, not even an apology.
It had begun to hurt and tick off. But when I broke the chain, the relief and victory I felt – I couldn’t trade that for the world. The respect gained too, and the eye opener to my friend. Now she wants us to meet again. I’m not ready. Just yesterday I declined one invite. Gotta pull myself together first. And practice my old rule – I always have a plan B if plan A fails – but it’s never people – always things like reading, TV, etc. but never people. And I am NOT a plan B.

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